Several years ago I shared a post titled, Koby’s Story. It wasn’t until recently that I decided to put together a post about Koby’s progress. I’ve consistently shared life updates in several Life Lately posts, but I felt like this is such a huge part of our lives and that it needed its own post.

When I finished Koby’s Story, he had just started kindergarten. Being in a gen-ed classroom just wasn’t appropriate for Koby. His behavior continued to be an issue. Somehow, his teacher made it through the school year. I had sent her a card prior to a school party, thanking her for every minute she invested into Koby and letting her know that we were fully aware of how often her hard work goes unnoticed. I also apologized, explaining that I didn’t feel like we had the correct placement for Koby and that we had tried so hard to help him be successful. Unfortunately sometimes parents hard work goes unnoticed, too. At the end of the of the card I remember writing that I couldn’t have chosen a more patient teacher to have worked with Koby day in and day out and that I consistently prayed God’s blessings over her and her family. I believe God puts us in certain places and in certain situations at the most perfect time, and that His devine plan was for her to be a part of Koby’s story. I remember her approaching me at the party and pulling me into her arms. She hugged me so tightly and started crying on my shoulder. When she started to cry, that’s when I started crying. We both cried so hard that I could barely catch my breath. I don’t remember exactly what we said, but her embrace and her tears spoke louder than any words ever could. She told me that was one of the hardest years she’s ever had as an educator and at the time, she had been teaching for 20 years.

Koby went on to first grade. It didn’t take long for an IEP meeting to be called. The principal and Koby’s teacher felt like immediate action needed to taken. The IEP team made recommendations regarding classroom interventions and strategies his teacher could use. If a student is unable to make adequate academic and social/emotional progress after regular classroom interventions, which Koby did not, the student’s IEP team comes together to consider another placement to meet the student’s individual needs.

Eventually it was decided that Koby should be placed in a self contained classroom. He needed a smaller, structured learning environment for academics and behavior remediation that couldn’t be provided in a gen-ed classroom. The goal was to provide Koby with support and interventions.

Koby did show some improvements in the self-contained classroom, but there were still days that he would be placed in a secluded room with padded walls and no windows.

Towards the end of the school year we moved to Virginia. It was just across the state line so I would drive the boys to school every morning so they could finish out the school year. I had such a hard time thinking about Koby starting over in a new school. I cried day and night.

As summer came to an end and I registered the boys at the elementary school in our district, I was sure to state my concerns about Koby. A few days later we went to the schools open house and saw Koby’s classroom. I looked around and thought, “This isn’t going to work.” That same night we drove across town to another school. It was the strangest thing- I instantly felt like that was where the boys belonged. We went in the office and talked to the secretary. She told us that because we were out of zone we would have to pay for our kids to attend if we decided to go that route.

A day or two before school started, I received a phone call from the Director of Special Education. He asked if we could have an IEP meeting to determine what placement would be best for Koby. The principal had spoken with Koby’s former special education teacher and she suggested that a gen-ed classroom would be too overwhelming for Koby. That is when I met Ms. Cordle. Still to this day, I have not met anyone more passionate about behaviors and special education than her. I truly believe she is the reason Koby has shown so much growth. After that IEP meeting, I went to the school and met with her in her classroom. Her classroom was in the school we had visited on a whim just days before. Even though we were out of zone, arrangements were made because of Koby’s needs. We didn’t have to complete any out of zone paperwork and the entire process was handled by the school system.

When we met in her classroom, Ms. Cordle asked me lots of questions and added up numbers based on the answers I had given her. When she saw the results, she told me that without a doubt, Koby was on the spectrum. She told me what his school day would consist of and what her goals were for him. She was phenomenal. Koby absolutely loved school. He had some occasional shut downs but, with the help of Ms. Cordle, was able to learn how to self regulate big emotions and how to resolve conflicts without completely shutting down. Towards the end of the year he was spending time in a regular second grade classroom.

The end of the school year was quickly approaching and I remember Ms. Cordle calling me one afternoon. She called me personally to inform me that as much as she wished it was different, that Koby would move on to another teacher for third grade. She explained that Koby was not on the same level as her other students and that she felt like he needed to be more challenged in order to thrive. She had some nonverbal students, several with toileting issues, and some with extreme developmental delays. Keeping Koby in that environment wasn’t setting him up for success so, yet again, another change was coming.

The next school year Koby was placed in a self contained/resource classroom. It was another positive experience for us. He received one on one help with his academics and several adaptations and modifications were set in place for Koby. He loved a big yoga ball that his teacher had in the classroom and she allowed him to bounce on it anytime he needed to, as it served as a self regulation tool for him. He also loved to swing in the OT/PT room. Once he slowly transitioned into third grade classes and would have a rough day, swinging was a de-escalation strategy that was used. Koby also hated wearing shoes. He would keep his socks on, but would walk to his classes in his socks. I remember there being some issues with him having to put shoes on in order to transition to recess or to P.E. because those were the two places shoes had to be worn for safety reasons. There were a few times that he completely missed P.E. because he refused to put his shoes on and would lay in the floor the rest of the day. At the end of his third grade year Koby was in gen-ed classes all day except for 45 minutes. The 45 minutes was when he went to his special education teacher for one on one assistance.

Koby had a similar schedule in 4th and 5th grade as well. He would go to regular classes and would go down the hallway to his special education teacher for a certain amount of time each day. His 4th grade teachers even allowed him to bring the big yoga ball to bounce on in the back of the classroom. That specific group of teachers will always hold a special place in my heart because of how they treated Koby. In the cafeteria, students sat at the long tables and teachers sat at high, bristo pub like tables. I accepted a position at Koby’s school earlier that year and my class would walk by the cafeteria during his lunch time. Koby would always be sitting alone. On the days he wasn’t alone, the kids(s) sitting with him had received silent lunch as a punishment. One day I walked by and Koby was sitting at the teacher table! He smiled really big with his head held high. From that day on, he sat with the teachers every single day. He had such a sweet bond with them all by the end of the school year. One of the teachers even selected him for an end of the year science award.

He also received the Student of the Day reward earlier that school year.

When Koby moved on to fifth grade, he had two of the same teachers from the previous year because they teach the same subject in both fourth and fifth grade. He quickly grew to love his new teachers and worked hard every single day. He made the honor roll all school year and didn’t have a single melt down. Our school gives a special award to one fifth grader each year for academic excellence, leadership skills, and overall kindness to others. Koby was chosen by the fifth grade teachers to receive that special award. Not only was I in tears, but so were his teachers. Ms. Cordle made sure she was there for his special moment and I am so glad she was able to make it.

I was nervous about transitioning Koby to middle school, but his sixth grade year went great, even after his teacher was promoted to another position after Christmas break. He made the honor roll the entire school year.

This school year has been an adjustment for Koby. He went from two teachers in a special education setting (whose classrooms were side by side) to six different teachers on all three floors of the school. He currently has three A’s and three B’s.

Over the years the single most important thing we done for Koby was to love him. He is so easy to love with his sense of humor. As parents we had to learn how to redirect and use positive reinforcements, and we tried many different techniques and approaches to see what he would respond to in the most positive way. We have always implemented life skills and I am so excited to share with you this list that I keep on my phone. It’s a visual reminder for me when I see all of these mastered skills that Koby has come so far.

Life Skills Mastered:
Wash dishes
Load the dishwasher
Unload the dishwasher
Put away dishes in correct place
Shower
Use the microwave
Use the air fryer
Make bed
Clean room
Take out trash
Roll out trashcan
Knife safety
Plunge a toilet
Basic First Aid
Brush teeth
Brush hair
How to use nail clippers
Check mail
Read a menu
Order food at a restaurant
Carry groceries inside
Read the weather forecast
Make cereal/prepare own breakfast
Make a sandwich/prepare own lunch
Proper handwashing
How to use a computer
Zip a jacket
Money value
How to swallow pills
Asking, “How are you?”
Dresses appropriately for weather

I also have two other categories saved along with his mastered life skills. I have a “in progess” life skills list and a list of things that he isn’t quite ready for yet but we will need to work on in the future. That list includes things such as cooking on the stove top, how to complete job applications, job etiquette, how to pay bills, etcetera.

What are some life skills you consider to be the most important?